Breakin Ankles

Monday, May 30, 2005

Livin' by a lake

Did you ever notice that people use the presence of a lake to explain any and every type of weather related pheonmenon? Some examples:

Me: Why is it so fuckin cold out?
Person: Oh, it's cuz we're right by the lake.
Me: Oh, makes sense.

Me: Why is it so damn hot out?
Person: It's the lake effect. The wind from Chicago runs over the lake, and you know how hot air always rises, right?
Me: Um.. sure.. why not.

Me: Why is it snowing? It's June!
Person: Don't you know we live right by a lake?
Me: Yeah, so?
Person: Well the lake has water in it, and when water freezes it becomes ice, and what happens when you break up ice into tiny tiny pieces? You get snow!
Me: What the fuck?!
Person: Exactly.

Me: Why do I have leprosy?
Person: Because you played a game of checkers with that Hobo who lives, surprise surprise, right by the lake.
Me: Damn tempting game of checkers.

Why the Pistons will win the series

The Pistons are down 2-1 and people are jumping on the Miami Heat bandwagon in droves. As great as Dwane Wade is, and as dominating a force as Shaq can be, the Heat will inevitably lose to the Pistons in what is quickly looking like a 7 game series.

Above all, keep in mind that the Miami Heat have had to play damn near perfect basketball to stay with the Pistons. Dwane Wade has been unstoppable and Miami's bench has been performing extremely well. At the same time, the Pistons overall play has been lackluster, and yet they have had opportunities to win both of the games they lost. If the Miami Heat play perfect ball and can only squeak out indecisive victories against a team playing at 3/4 of their potential, what does that say about the two teams? So the question becomes: Will the Pistons turn it up a notch? I think the answer is 'yes'. For one thing, the Pistons play better when their backs are against the wall. But more than that, they have at least 5 players who can explode for 30 plus points on any given night. I think they'll tighten the screws on the defensive end and choke Miami the rest of the series. Dwane Wade has been unbelievable as of late, and I'm sure he'll get his, but again, the Heat will have to play perfect basketball in order to win. Is it possible? I suppose it is. But is it probable? Not really. The Pistons are gonna rev up the engines and handily beat the Heat in game 4, and I predict the game will be in the bag by the end of the 3rd quarter. Game 5 will also go to the Pistons, perhaps in overtime. Who else has the cahones to predict not only a victory, but an overtime game as well?! Your main man Homer! The Heat will win game 6 and the Pistons will close out the series in Detroit with a victory that will remind everyone why they are the defending Champs. Props to D. Wade, though, for playin big time in a big time series.

Final thoughts:
Pistons play better under pressure than the Heat
C. Billiups will get 30+ in one of the next 2 games

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Wed - Fri recap

I had to get all the partying out of my system before bar exam studying begins this week -- so with this in mind, me and some peeps hit the town. A quick recap:

Times gone out: 3
Alcoholic Beverages consumed: Too many
Slices of Pizzza eaten: 13
Movies watched while intoxicated: 3
Prank Calls I observed: Over 20
Prank Calls I made: Only 1
Last time I made a prank call: When I was 18
Something I forgot: Prank calls are fun
Minutes I spent dancing the robot: 15
Earliest i went to bed: 4:30 a.m
Latest I went to bed: 5:30 a.m

Also, the first official "What bar has the hottest lady bartenders/servers" in Madison ended in a tie. It came down to "The State" vs. "Brothers".

Another pointless post is in the bag!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Pluggin' my shit

Check out this video I made last fall, available for the first time online!!

It's a comedic (hopefully) profile about a young man with a medical disorder who loves playing basketball.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Smokin' Trees

I was walking down the street today -- I came up behind two guys, and as I walked past them, one says to the other ".. needless to say, the tree fell right on my head!". I can only imagine what story must have preceded that statement such that a tree falling on someones head is so expected that it's worthy of a "needless to say". Any ideas?

Monday, May 23, 2005

Pistons will win the Detroit-Miami series

You heard it here first.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Desperate Housewives

I never saw an episode of Desperate Housewives up till today when I caught the last five minutes of the season finale. Here is my review of those 5 minutes.

Okay, there is some fighting going on and I don't know who any of these people are. I think the show needs to develop the characters more. I mean, I'm a smart guy, and if I can't figure out who is who within the first 10 seconds, something is amiss. Next thing I know some chick stabs another chick and kills her. DRAMA! The murderess is next seen talking to a man, presumably her husband?, as they try to figure out how to get rid of the body. She suggests putting the body in concrete or something?? Then, without warning, a child appears out of nowhere and sees the man and woman hovering over the dead body. DRAMA! I couldn't tell, but I think what just happened was all a flashback?? Next up some guy is going to kill another guy but decides not to. DRAMA!! The show ends with a nararator talking about what each woman is desperate for. Hey! I recognize that woman right there! She was on an episode of Seinfeld! Whoa! I recognize that girl as well! She was the devious Kimberly on Melrose Place! Oh my gosh! I know who that girl is too! I don't know her name (Eva Longoria?), but she's been on every magazine in the last year. She was also voted #1 in Maxim's hot 100. She's nice, but not #1. Then some other chicks I don't recognize. Show ends.

Wow. This show has it all! Stabbing, kids, nararration, recognizable characters from other television shows, and, of course, hot desperate housewives. I'll be tuning in for sure next season!

I've only heard great things about the show and maybe I'll watch it straight through if they have reruns during the summer.

Hip Hop Show and 5 Dollar CD's

Let me preface everything by saying that any CD sold for $5 is bound to suck. I'm not talking about buying used CD's for 5 dollars, I'm talkin about buying CD's sold independently by the artists themselves. For example, in college, this guy on my hall made everyone buy his bands cd for 5 bucks. The band played punk rock, and he was supposed to be a talented bassist, so I figured I might as well check it out. It was probably one of the worst CD"s ever, and needless to say, the band didn't go anywhere. Another example: I recently bought a 5 dollar CD of a boy/girl duo that sings and plays here in Madison. I've seen them play live a few times and they're amazing. I'd buy a live CD of their performances in a hearbeat, so when they started selling CDs of their stuff, I thought it was a can't miss. So I shell out 5 bones for a CD with 5 songs, and only one of them is any good. What the fuck!? I know they have good songs, so why did they put their 'experimental' shit on here!! These are but 2 examples of how a CD sold for 5 bucks is bound to suck balls.

This last friday I was walking around town and stumbled upon a hip hop concert at library mall. Usually, most people observe concerts at library mall for a few mins before they move on, but oh no, this was no ordinary concert my friends! I was there for well over an hour and enjoyed every minute of it. The concert was officially called "Hip Hop for Peace" and featured a ton of local hip hop artists. The first act I saw was a girl and a guy rapping with a little big of country harmonica thrown in. The beat was dope and original, and overall, I was really impressed. Next up was a solo rapper who straight tore it up! The lyrics were clever and witty as hell, the crowd was going banannas, and to my right was a 7 year old kid who was perpetually doing backflips, much to the delight of a 4 year old kid watching on. Again, the beat was original and bangin -- which is hard to find nowadays with a lot of mainstream artists (I'm callin you out Snoop!)

A man soon approached me selling CD's. "Does the CD have all the songs being performed here today?", I asked. "Oh no doubt my man! And it's only 5 dollars!" Based on the first song alone I would have bought the CD, so this was a no brainer. I put the CD in my pocket, pumped as hell to listen to it, and watched the rest of the show.

Next up was some dude who looked like a wannabe Eminem. I thought he'd be good for a laugh, but like the others, he had mad talent. After him came a group of beer bellied white guys who looked like they were born and bred in hicksville Wisconsin. The MC said "Don't let their look fool you, my boys got skillz!" -- and sure enough, they did.

Next up, AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!, was an artist known as the "Blind Thug". As the name implies, he's a rapper who can't see. He gets up on stage and tells the crowd "Yo fellas, this here is a song to sing to your girl when she's mad at you". I shout out to the stage "I feel you Blind Thug, sing it!"-- well not really. Well it turns out that the Blind Thug has a silky smooth voice, and he was just as impressive as the others. At one point he started turning sideways towards a tree and wasn't really facing the crowd so much, so someone on stage went behind him and sort of maneuvered him back so that he was looking at the audience. At least 4 or 5 other artists performed that day at Library Mall and ALL of them were unbelievable. The crowd that stopped to watch kept growing as time went on, and again, I was there for well over an hour.

Anywhoo, the concert ends and I go back to my apartment to listen to my newly purchased CD. Turns out it sucks balls. None of the songs that I heard at the concert were on the CD. More than that, most of the songs on the CD are horrible! Turns out that my 5 dollar CD theory is still in full effect.

Oh well, at least I saw a really cool show with some original beats and some original rappers, so I can't really complain So much rap nowadays is formulaic and it was really cool to hear something fresh for a change. Why the raido is filled with a bunch of similar sounding, and often crappy, rap songs is beyond me - especially when there is plenty of good original shit being made. Sometimes right in your backyard ;-)

Thursday, May 19, 2005

What Big Ten school fits you?

Having spent the last 8 years living in big 10 towns, I thought I would give this quiz a whirl...

The first time around, I got Penn State. Uch, what is that all about?

I took it a second time, though, and got Wisconsin ("Who cares about anything else? Where's the freakin' beer?!?!?") Hey, this thing is pretty accurate.

My friend from U of M (the M stands for Michigan, not Minnesota!... got that Mariam?!) was happy to see he got Michigan ("People think you're arrogant, but it's just a result of years and years of success.") Too funny!!

Indiana's tagline: "Your IQ is just above that of a carrot. But you dress nicely and enjoy decent scenery"

Minnesota's tagline: "Your best years were a long time ago, and most people nowadays think you're a joke. You don't really fit in with the rest of the group"

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Quote of the Day

Something to ponder...

"A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason."

- Thomas Paine

Monday, May 16, 2005


So I've graduated. Everything is the same. I don't feel any different. If anything, I feel like a con artist. I have a degree that seems to impress people, yet I know nothing, and feel as if I've done nothing to merit wearing a funky ass robe with a purple hood. People paying me money to give them legal advice? Yikes, that's a scary thought. I'm probably better equipped to give them advice regarding their fantasy basketball team.

My dad picked up a program from the honors ceremony (oddly enough, I wasn't invited!) and started asking me "Do you know so and so?" I say 'nope' "how about so and so?" 'nope' -- this goes on for about 10 names before I say "yeah, I guess I didn't really hang out with the scholarly crowd". So the graduation ceremony was a lot cooler than I expected. The speeches were pretty good and everyone seemed to enjoy it.

I ended up going to the graduation at the Kohl Center pretty much because I had to. It was boring as fuck, but my parents really loved it, so not all is lost. A few weeks ago there was a profile on CNN about a blind medical student at UW - Madison who was graduating at the top of his class. He walked accross the stage to get his diploma with his seeing eye dog -- pretty incredible. I remember that the profile on him from was really long, and I got lazy and didn't finish it all. Then I felt even lazier. I mean, this guy is blind and is graduating medical school, and I can't even get through an entire article! Anyways, after the big boring graduation, me and the fam went to get some grub. Then we returned to my apartment for crumpets. At 11 or so, the fam went to their hotel for some sleep... but the night was just beginning for me!

Headed over to Fridas for a grand ole time. Even the Rican got permission to come out and party! ("Hey, I don't need permission to go out!" is what he's probably thinking right now) It was def. a fun time. Much alcohol was consumed, many kind words were exchanged, and the after parties didn't stop till 430 am. I got to see smokey dance, and one young dame was really impressed that I knew ALL the words to Salt-n-Pepa's song "Whatta man!". I guess watching T.V for at least 7 hours a day in High School is starting to pay off.

So after three years of lawschool, here are a few random thoughts; I feel like I should know a lot more. I didn't study much at all. I probably wrote as many notes to friends during class as I took in class from lectures. Law school is made out to be a lot worse than it is. If you don't care about being at the top of your class, and aren't on any journals or anything like that, law school is actually a breeze, if not a joke. Going to law school in a party town is the way to do it. I came to law school because I had nothing else to do. Coming to law school was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Oral Advocacy is fun, I can't wait till it comes out on DVD. Tax Law is fun. Yes, I'm a nerd. Next year will be the first time in 8 years that I won't be in a big time party college town. Not looking forward to that. Not looking forward to that at all! Too nice outside to be blogging... off I go!! Next up: "Cleaning out my locker... triumph and tragedy"

Feminists Unite!!

A commercial I saw earlier today:

A woman is speaking and the commercial goes something like this: "So I had this really big interview this week, but then it happened, ZITS!!! So I got some oxy pads which said it would clear up my face within 3 days... and it did!! No more Zits!!! And how did the interview go? Who cares, my face looked beautiful!"

I wonder if any girls find this offensive -- i.e implying that girls care more about their skin than an important job interview... or implying that girls main focus should be on their appearance. This almost seems like a commercial that would air in the 1950's.

Do I find it offensive? I don't really care, really. All I know is that the girl in the commercial was wearing a really nice shirt ;-)

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Nice Shirt

When a guy tells a girl "I like your shirt", it's usually code for: I like the fact that your shirt shows off your cleavage.

For example, check out this lovely girl. A guy might say this to her: "Hey, I really like your shirt, it's cool how it ties in the front. And your skirt is really nice too, very summery. It's very risque, but you definitely can pull it off" This, of course, is all code for: You are hot and I want to sleep with you

Friday, May 06, 2005

Back To The Future

So the kids at MIT are at it again. Amidst all their studying and calculations, these gems of society still find time to party. But when you're a student at MIT, you don't just throw a regular old party, you throw a party for time travelers. This is the deal, and I can't stress this enough, I can't make this shit up!

The party is this Saturday at MIT, and people were advised to write deatils of the party on pieces of paper and slip them into "obscure books in academic libraries" in the weeks preceeding. Now comes the rub. Time will pass on, as time tends to do (nice, eh? I think it's from a movie though) and people in the future will eventually find the notes and decide to travel back in time to attend this party that is being thrown in their honor. There is a caveat: If you are from the future and wish to attend the party, you must bring some sort of proof, such as a cure for AIDS or something. People from the present are allowed to attend, but "due to the overwhelming response" you can't attend unless you have already RSVP'd. But never fear. After all, "If time travel is invented in your lifetime, you can always come later" -- so says the ad.

Now let me enter into the fray. First off, I must say, 'What the Fuck!!!?!

I remember Stephen Hawkings once said (read: typed) that time travel to the past will never be possible because if it were, we'd constantly be visited by tourists from the future. But isn't there some law of Physics that says you would travel back in time if you travel faster than the speed of light. Who knows, but let's assume for the sake of argument that time travel is possible:

If you could travel back in time, why would you ever choose to travel to a party at MIT. Who cares if it's being thrown in your honor. There are so many more fun places to travel to. You could, for example, go to a party at UW Madison, or a party at the Playboy mansion. And while you're traveling back in time, why not bring an almanac with you a'la Biff in Back to the Future and make some money by betting on sporting events that you already know the outcomes of. Why not go way back in time to visit Socrates or Plato. Hell, why not go back in time and catch the Apple that fell on Newton's head and eat the fucker! There are so many things a time traveler could do and so many places he/she could go, so why on earth would they want to go to a party at MIT. Then again, since we're assuming time travel is possible, maybe time isn't such a valued commodity anymore. After all, you can always go back.

There are many fun things time travelers can do. For instance, imagine a time traveler from the year 3343 decides to travel to Madison, Wisconsin circa 2005. I think it would be really funny if he dressed up like a Pilgrim, or someone from the early 1800's or 1920's. People would look at him all wierd and he would just say "What? This is how people dress in the future".

While discussing this with some people yesterday, 2 friends mentioned that it would be cool to skydive into the party while proclaiming "We are from the future!". That brings me to my next point: Are people really expecting people from the future to show up? I sure hope not. This is MIT after all. Can you picture some hapless fool constantly monitoring the door waiting to see if someone from the future is gonna walk in. Are any girls gonna be at this party? Will there be booze? From what I've read, there is going to be music (futuristic/electronic perhaps?) and speakers. Would be funny if the music they play is shit like 50 cent and stuff on the top of the charts. Then everyone would laugh when the time travellers would say "Hey, I love oldies!".

Another thing: if time travel is possible, is there really a need to advertise this. Wouldn't people in the future already know about it? They probably knew this was going to happen before the idea ever popped into the head of the guy that thought it up.

All in all, this party sounds pretty nerdy. But maybe I'm the biggest nerd of all for writing this little blog post about time travel? Maybe I should just stop writing.

And to prove that I'm not crazy, here is a link with deatils about the event.

If you could travel back in time, where would you go and what would you do? Would you attend the MIT party?

Sunday, May 01, 2005


I wish I had a friend with really big sideburns, if only to have a friend that I could nickname 'sideburns'. Just think of all the fun things you could say to him:

Hey sideburns, you getting wasted tonight?
Hey sideburns, what ever happened with you and that chick?
Hey sideburns, why do they call you 'sideburns'?
Ready to go sideburns?

Sideburns has lost all meaning at this point.

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