Sideburns

I wish I had a friend with really big sideburns, if only to have a friend that I could nickname 'sideburns'. Just think of all the fun things you could say to him:

Hey sideburns, you getting wasted tonight?
Hey sideburns, what ever happened with you and that chick?
Hey sideburns, why do they call you 'sideburns'?
Ready to go sideburns?

Sideburns has lost all meaning at this point.