Breakin Ankles

Friday, April 29, 2005

Madison is pretty sweet

Here is part of an email I sent to a friend in October 2002 when I first came to Madison:

".... there are more hot girls here than I've ever seen in my life..... I think I've drank more in the last 4-5 weeks than I did all of last year!"

So I'm finally done with lawschool in Madison, and it's been a great 3 years. The girls kept on getting hotter, and the drinking only increased.

I wonder if there is a connection between the 2 ;-)

Behind the Music, True Hollywood Story

Everytime I see one of these shows, they have something like this:

"Coming up next, so and so faces her toughest challenge yet (short pause) MOTHERHOOD"

Makes me laugh for some reason.

Reminds me of a great Simpsons episode where they did a parody of 'Behind the Music'.

Homer goes "Fame was like a drug. But was even more like a drug, were the drugs."

NBA Playoffs

Contrary to popular belief, the Pistons will beat the Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals. You heard it here first. The Pistons are just a solid team all around, and have at least 5 players who can explode for 30 points on any given night.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Tornado Watch

From an email sent to students re: a tornado drill

"A mock tornado drill is scheduled for Thursday, April 21. The purpose of the tornado drill is to ensure that faculty, staff andĀ  students know what to do and where to go should a tornado or severeĀ  weather arise. To avoid disrupting classes and research, there will be no actual evacuations. Instead, you should consider where you might go, should this have been an actual tornado warning, and not a drill."

So let me get this straight. We're having a tornado drill so that we can ponder what we might do should an actual tornado occurr. What the fuck is the point of that?! Is this even worthy of being called a tornado drill? Maybe calling it a "Torando Mind Exercise" would be more appropriate.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Newsbreak! Fast Food makes you Fat!! Developing...

So I just finished watching "Super Size Me", and here is what I think about our country's little weight problem, not to mention the idiots who want to sue McDonalds for "making" them fat.

First of all, there is some douche bag law professor from George Washington University who is apparently spearheading these lawsuits against McDonalds. He proclaims at one point "They're luring kids in!! They have playgrounds in many of their establishments. They pioneered the Happy Meal. They're doing all they can to lure kids in at a young age." Wow. I thought Sherlock Holmes was dead, but apparently he teaches law at George Washington. Maybe this guy can parlay his clever and original thoughts into a Law Review article. Actually, I'd like to see that cuz I'm running low on toilet paper at the moment. So McDonalds markets itself as a place for kids. So what? I remember when I was 12 that I wanted to go to McDonalds a few times a week just so I could purchase some special Basketball cards that were only available under the golden arches. Going to McDonalds made me happy -- I got toys and good food and all was well with the world. It's funny how the movie tries to make McDonalds out to be the bad guy when all it does is sell tasty food at a low low price. Will it make you fat? Of course, so don't go if you wanna stay healthy. Or if you can't resist, how bout trying some exercise? People in the movie complained about how McDonalds is everywhere. Umm.. that's because people love McDonalds and there is enough demand to warrant its presence all over the place.

Everyone knows McDonalds isn't good for you, so if you get fat off of it, its' your fault. I myself can easily polish off a whole pack of Oreo Double Stuffs in 2 days. Note: double stuff Oreos fuckin rule! Obviously, eating a whole pack of oreos, double stuff no less, is not a healthy thing to do. So being a clever and crafty thinker, I made a choice that will shock many of you. For you see my loyal readers, I decided to rarely, if ever, buy double stuff oreos anymore. It's called self-control motherfuckers, use it! People out there have real problems -- there are people in this world who are starving and people have the gall to complain that they can buy a hamburger for 99 cents and a 32 ounce cup of coke for a dollar. Americans have to be the most spoiled and lazy fuckers on the planet! On the first day of my Freshman orientation at the University of Michigan, I was pumped to see that there was McDonalds within walking distance from my dorm. Did I eat every meal there? Fuck no, and if I chose to, I'd probably have gained a few pounds, with no one to blame but myself.

The movie also talked about how kids in High Schools and Middle Schools aren't eating correctly. Very true, but isn't that part of growing up and being a kid -- eating junk food, watching T.V and enjoying life? In High School, the only thing I ever got from the Cafeteria was either Pizza or French Fries. Many days I didn't eat lunch at all. Other days I'd just eat a candy bar and have a can of Soda. Even today my eating habits are far from ideal, but I excercise a lot to balance it out. The more junk food and alcohol I consume, the more I exercise. Simple in its complexity -- I think I should write a book, and the sad thing is, people would probably flock to the stores to learn my "secrets". At one point during my lawschool career I probably gained a good deal of fat from an excess of beer, pizza, fries, oreos and all sorts of shit. So what did I do? I just cut back on the 3am pizza, stopped getting fast food as often -- though the beer intake remained the same, and maybe even increased! :-) But enough babbling. My point is simple and my point is this: Everyone knows what healthy food is -- it's usually the food that doesn't taste very good. If you have a weight problem, eat healthy and start exercising. If you need me to tell you this without having already realized this when you were 10, then you probably deserve to be fat anyways. Kidding ;-)

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Good ole days

While running the other day, it hit me that I haven't been in an old fashoined footrace since sometime in high school. When I think back to the countless hours I spent playing outside with my friends when I was a kid, it just seems so innocent and pure a period. Basketball, soccer, football, baseball, frisbee, four square -- we played it all. And oh yes, we'd also engage in the occasional foot race.

Back when I was a kid, nothing was more fun and exciting than playing outside. Sadly, the joys of "playing outside" may be a thing of the past for many of today's children. Nowadays, kids have many more distractions and ways to entertain themselves than I had when I was a lad. Crazy video game systems, high speed internet, 500 tv channels, iTunes etc. It's not a stretch to say that you can live your whole life and not even leave your computer console. Who has time to go outside and play basketball when you can play NBA Live on your PS2, when you have 100 buddies to chat with online, and when you can download hundreds of mp3's by the hour. And then, of course, there is all that damn pornography. Though I never experienced the joys of high speed internet until I went to college, I can confidently say that if I had high speed internet when I was 14 or 15, I would have never left the house! Ya'll know what I'm talkin about!

Maybe it's because I've been up for 18 straight hours and I'm sort of out of it, but I feel bad for the youth of today. There is just something special about an era where kids didn't need an xbox or an ipod in order to have fun. Back in the day, all you needed were a pair of sneakers and a driveway. Reminds me of one of the best movie lines ever, one which I'm sure all the guys reading this will probably understand if they spent a great deal of time playing outside with friends growing up.

The quote is from "Stand by Me" and goes a lil something like this: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?"

Wow,.. this post is really fucking sappy.
Titties. Whew! ... thats much better :-)

Monday, April 04, 2005

Things I've learned living in Madison, Wisconsin

- Beer is served everywhere
- Some bars sell beer cans at 75 cents a pop
- Drunk Driving isn't viewed as a bad thing, but rather an adventure
- Too many people drink and drive over here
- Wisconsin has some of the funkiest named cities around. "Oconomowoc" WTF?!
- Wisconsin probably has more cities starting wtih the letter 'W' than anywhere else: "Wauwatosa" is one example. Again, WTF?!

- People really care about cheese over here
- There are so many different kinds of cheese you wouldn't believe it
- People from Wisconsin are fanatical about their sports teams
- You meet lots of people who were raised on dairy farms. Holy Cow!
- Wisconsin is home to a city that has the most bars per capita than any other in the country
- Wisconsin is home to a county that has the most bars per capita than any other in the country
- Wisconsin has many bars
- Babies are often delivered in bars, and are often given a can of Miller Lite to celebrate theif first birthday
- These babies are then allowed to drive home themselves
- Summerfest is very cool
- Madison is very cool
- Madison in the summer is even cooler
- Madison is super liberal
- Maybe its a midwestern thing, but people from Wisconsin are extremely and genuinely nice
- Some say Madison is only liberal with respect to Gay rights
- Some say Madison is only 'Gay Friendly' because there aren't many gays living in town
- I don't know what to think
- You meet many people from towns where there is "nothing to do"
- But does anyone come from a town and claim ther is 'much to do'?
- Are you still reading this?
- You're a nerd, unless you're in class
- People drink in Wisconsin EVERY day of the week
- Go to a bar at 12 pm, people will be there, drinking heavily
- People have a good amount of Wisconsin pride, more so than I've seen from people who are from other states
- Having pride in your state is pretty cool, I think
- This list is getting out of hand
- I'll probably update it later though

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Fat people at the gym

It's about time for my naturally scrawny ass to give props to those on the other end of the physical spectrum: the fatties. I must say that I really enjoy seeing fat people at the gym. It's just really inspiring to see someone recognize that they are not in shape, and having the balls to do something about it, in public no less.

Go to any random gym, and you're bound to see muscle bound men and hot ladies in skimpy outfits. I imagine its hard for my obese brothers and sisters to have the motivation to go to a place where many people look like they came str8 off the pages of a physical fitness magazine. But there they are, every day, eating, i mean toiling away. You see them on the track walking extremely slow, but they're giving it all they've got. Gotta give props -- how inspiring! You see them on the treadmill walking at a speed of 1.0, sweat dripping off their bodies at an alarming rate. But they're there for the long haul. They know they're fat, but they're out there doing something about it. They know some asshole guys and girls probably look at them and laugh, but they don't care. They're not there to impress people, they're there to lose weight, to get in shape, to get healthy -- and you just gotta respect that.

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