Breakin Ankles

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Sarah Palin's brother in law looks like Heroes TV Star!

Sarah Palin's brother-in law, Mike Wooten (pictured above), looks just like Matt Parkman from the TV show "Heroes".

Pictured: "Matt Parkman"

Monday, October 06, 2008

Wikipedia Graffiti following Kimbo Slice's loss

After Kimbo Slice was knocked out by Seth Petruzelli in a thrilling upset, it took no time at all before Seth Petruzelli's Wikipedia page was tagged with obscene graffitti that was subsequently removed. I was able to get some snapshots of the work done by the comical pranksters before they were taken down. Click on the image for a larger picture.

This entry calls Ken Shamrock a P***Y after he withdrew from the main event after sustaining a cut in training.

This one declared that Kimbo had been Knocked the F**k out, and also declared the demise of EliteXC.

Within 10-15 minutes, the graffiti had been deleted and the entry was locked.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Sweeney Todd Sucks

So I saw "Sweeney Todd" this weekend and it was abysmal. Movies like this leave me wondering how movies even get made in the first place. Who allows such trash to be filmed?

This movie was horrible from start to finish. First off, it's a musical. That wouldn't be a problem if there were some good songs sung by talented singers, but that's not the case. The songs all sound the same. And they all suck. There's no melody and the lyrics are dull and boring. And oh yeah, the people singing them can't sing!

Sweeny Todd is a horrible movie that's disjointed at best. There's no rhyme or reason to anything, stuff happens inexplicably, and the audience is left guessing as to what is what. I was shocked to find out that this turd of a movie was nominated for various awards and I'm wagering that the people who enjoyed this film are pretentious film-goers. Lame.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

There Will Be Blood SUCKS!

Am I the only person who found this movie to be exceedingly boring and way too long? While the acting was great, the script was a bit weak. It's sad to say because it was a great plot that could have been an equally great movie. Instead we were left with a bunch of disjointed scenes. We were left with Daniel Day Lewis becoming insane or who knows what. He loves his son, he hates his son, who the fuck knows.

Some scenes, such as when Daniel Day Lewis is pretending to be baptized, could have been much more powerful if vaudeville style jokes hadn't been inserted every so often. And as great as Lewis did portraying his character, a lot of his actions just didn't make any sense -- it was basically him acting crazy for the sake of acting crazy.

I could go on about how boring this movie was, but I'll just leave you with this. Great Acting. Good plot. Too long. Too boring. Not enough interesting dialogue. IT basically seemed that the director wanted to have as many scenes as possible of Daniel Day Lewis acting creepy or crazy. And while these scenes really showed off what Daniel Day Lewis is capable of, they did nothing to make the movie more interesting.

Is the Slam Dunk Contest back?

Every year during the dunk contest, an announcer inevitably proclaims that "The Dunk Contest is Back!" It was "back" when Jason Richardson won, it was "back" when Nate Robinson won, and apparently it's back again with Dwight Howard. D-Ho did have some crazy drunks, so all the props to him.

and though the Superman dunk is getting all the publicity, I really like this creative dunk Howard came up with.

The reason people keep looking for a reason to bring the NBA dunk contest 'back' is that it's hard to do something people haven't seen yet. A look back at the dunks from the 1980's makes it clear that MJ and Dominique would have had a tough time competing against some of the best dunkers from the mid 1990's and the present day. A hoop is 10 feet tall and there is only so much creativity you can come up with for a dunk. I mean, there are only so many ways to dunk the ball by bringing the ball through your legs. Vince Carter brought dunking to a whole 'nother level with his creative tour de force in 200o. Dwight Howard didn't quite bring dunking to a whole nother level last night, but he sure brought in some original flavor to the dunk contest. So is the dunk contest 'back' ? Of course not, it never left. We've just been spoiled with what were once thought to be un-thinkable dunks over the past few years. It's not that dunkers have no imagination anymore, it's that we're nearing a saturation point because people are close to maxing out what is possible with the dunk.

I might be wrong though. I mean, check out this video the "Air up There" from the And1 mixtape tour doing a 720 dunk.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Song Transation #1: 2Pac

Today is the first installment in a series of blog posts where I analyze the lyrics to well-known songs. First up, "Wonder why they call you Bitch" by 2pac.

"Look here Miss Thang, hate to salt your game
but yous a money hungry woman, and you need to change
In tha locker room, all the homies do is laugh.
High five's cuz anotha homey played your ass."

Translation: Hello dear, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I get the strong impression that the emphasis you place on money in your life is misplaced. Furthermore, gentleman in the neighborhood have taken notice of this, and have been known to exchange celebratory gestures with each other every time you make love with one of them, presumably through trickery.

"It was said you were sleeezy, even easy
sleepin around for what you need
See it's your thang and you can shake it how you wanna.
Give it up free or make your money on the corner."

Translation: Your morals are questionable, at best. Moreover, while it is your body and you can do with it what you please, may I be so bold as to suggest that you read up on some Economic theory. For you see, if the demand for, how shall I say this, your "Booty"?, is high, then perhaps you should start selling said "booty" in exchange for cash on the street corner of your choice.

"Keep your mind on your money, enroll in school.
And as the years pass by you can show them fools.
But you ain't tryin' to hear me cuz your stuck,
you're headin' for the bathroom 'bout to get tossed up."

Translation: Perhaps starting studies at a local University would do you some good. Yet you do not seem to take my suggestions seriously, and apparently you are more interested in having sexual intercourse in a bathroom, of all places. Ho, you disgust me.

Any suggestions for other Song Translations? Leave em in the comments

Thursday, January 17, 2008

E-mail from a guy who cant tell what SPAM is

Hey everyone, I just returned home from my trip abroad and wanted to let you all know how it went. Wait a minute, my email inbox just exploded with 50 new emails. Lemme quickly go through them and then I'll catch up with you guys :)

WOW. I know I promised to tell you all about my trip, but something amazing is happening. I just received an email from a long lost relative of mine from Nigeria who claims that I stand to inherit a large sum of money. I have to admit that I was skeptical at first since I'm obviously not from Nigeria. As you all know, I'm from Chad, and although the two countries border each other, they are vastly different both socially and economically.

Anyways, a distant cousin of mine was recently murdered at the Nigerian Embassy in a coup d'etat and he left all his money to me. But as luck would have it, the money is tied up in tons of redtape. I can, however, hire someone to work through the legal entanglements and have the money wired directly to my bank account. I just have to send over some bank information so that the transfer goes smoothly. I know it seems risky, but my my relative is risking his life in order to help me out, so worrying over sending over some bank information seems a bit petty in comparison.

Well, if you can get over THAT excitment, allow me to tell you about my trip to Costa Rica. We flew into San Jose last Sunday and were greeted with 90 degree weather. It was beautiful. In fact, OH SHIT, HOLD UP!! I just got an email for a pill promoting a "machine gun man muscle." As you all know, my last 3 relationships ended because I was impotent, so this email is my second blessing of the day. The email says that "women are laughing at me" -- tell me about it brother! So I only need to send in 80 dollars for a 2 month prescription. Done and done! Anyways, back to the story. We landed in San Jose and decide to head right to the beach and get our surf on.

WAIT! Okay, I realize this is the third time I've interrupted this email but the Gods are smiling down upon me today. Check this out. As you all know, I was laid off 3 weeks ago and have been struggling to find a job. But I just received an email that reads: "In a recent review of online resumes, yours stood out and I believe you might be what my client needs. Alpine Access is hiring a Business Development Manager and I would like to invite you to accept the position."

A business position? For me, a high school drop out?! Wow, I might have to start leaving town more often :) The job is pretty much guaranteed. I get 80 grand a year (300% raise!) and tons of benefits. I. Am. Utterly. Speechless. I can't wait to show up to my first day of work. I know I'll impress them because I'll be wearing my brand new Rolex watch and European handbag that I just purchased online. Don't worry guys, I'm not throwing my money away -- I found a website that offers watches and handbags at huge discounts. I'm no fool.

Okay, so I'm not sure if it's related to my new job, but I just now received an email invitation to join "The Winners Club". When I clicked on the link my computer started acting funny. Hmm.. I wonder if it's a glitch on their end. I'll have to ask about that when I start next week.

Hey, this is odd. I was just offered another position as a "Senior New Media and Graphic Designer." Aside from the fact that I'm not qualified, I'm a little bit perplexed because I've never heard of the company and when I go their website, the URL is comprised of a bunch of numbers. Maybe it's a pattern like on LOST? I don't know, I'll have to follow up and call them. I guess I'm just being paranoid. I'm sure they just got my name from the same place the first company got my name. Too bad for them though, I already gots me a job :)

I know thats a lot to take in, so thank you for staying with me if you're still reading. Now I know you guys are all wondering what's going on with my lady situation. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but me and Michelle broke up while in Costa Rica. We had a great run together, but it just wasn't right, and we both knew it was time to end it. But don't worry, I just got an email from a hot girl (trust me, I saw her pics ;-) saying that she saw my online profile and thinks I'm sexy. She sent me a link to her webpage and lets just say that the pics don't lie! Long story short, I only had to pay $29.95 (that's chump change considering my inheritance) so that I could chat with her. So far she seems really nice, but who wears a bikini indoors? But hey, I'm not complaining.

HAHA. I just checked my spam and I had an email saying "Enjoy an exciting after-party after the party - with your large gun". What idiots. First of all, an after-party after the party is already like 7am and no one parties so late into the morning. And second of all, I don't own a gun. Obviously SPAM! Some people sure are idiots.

Anyways, I know I didn't tell you about my trip in detail, but I'll have to let ya'll know the scoop soon. Sorry for blabbing on, but it's just been such an amazing day, what with my new penis pills, my new job, new watch and handbag (authentic, thank you very much), and my new girl!

talk soon,


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Facebook and Friendster and MySpace, oh my!

How is it that Myspace continues to be one of the top visited sites on the web? I understand that a lot of bands use it to promote their shit, but any website that can continuously crash your browser is in DESPERATE need of a vast and extensive overhaul. I click on my friends pages and I'm bombarded with flashing lights, 45 pictures, and seemingly every youtube video ever created all crammed onto one page. I'm actually surprised that the friend whose page I'm looking at doesn't barge on through my door right as I click on their profile.

It's funny to think back to a time when Friendster was the most popular social network on the web. Friendster's downfall, of course, was that it was slow to add new features and users quickly jumped ship to newer and more attractive alternatives. Now I don't think Myspace is in any danger of becoming the next Friendster, but I'm starting to sense a small, yet significant, migration to its cleaner and leaner cousin, Facebook.

Interestingly enough, I've noticed that Myspace is slowly but surely starting to copy a number of Facebook features. For instance, the ability to tag friends in photos and to see which friends have updated their Myspace profiles are 2 new feature upgrades that were clearly borrowed from Facebook. Now I'm not anti-Myspace by any means, I just happen to prefer Facebook. And again, Myspace isn't going anywhere anytime soon. It has its nice markets, obviously. We all know that Myspace very big when it comes to music, but if it continues to become a platform for half-naked women who think they're models, spammers, and wanna be celebrities, then I wonder how soon it'll be before a mass migration from Myspace begins. I've also noticed that Facebook is starting to attract users who typically wouldn't be on a social network. And it's crucial to note that by separating its users into different networks, it's able to maintain credibility as a social network for both teens and those in their 30's. Ironically, if Myspace wants to maintain its dominance as a social network, it will have to start (and indeed it already has) becoming more facebook like. Oh cruel fate.

Lastly, I think that 'Friendster' should become an adjective to describe something that's clearly out dated and unpopular. Imagine the possibilities -- "Hey nerd, that shirt is so Friendster!"

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