Michael Jackson v. Mike Tyson:

Who would you rather trust your children with, Michael Jackson or Mike Tyson? I personally would have to go with Mike Tyson, hands down. On the flip side, you can't really type 'Michael Jackson' without the phrase 'hands down.... little boys pants' coming to mind.

If you leave your kid with Michael Jackson for a few hours and he tells you they played video games, the first question that comes to mind is "Did ya'll play naked? What do you mean when you say you played video games?" If Mike Tyson is in charge of your kid for a few hours and tells you they played video games, the first question that would pop into your head would be "Did you guys play punch out?" or "Who won?".

On the other hand, Mike Tyson is a convicted rapist, so I would never decide to leave my *girlfriend* with him for even a few minutes. But Michael Jackson, on the other hand, could hang out with my hypothetical girlfriend while she was completely naked and horny -- and I wouldn't worry for a second. And keep in mind, my hypothetical girlfriend is extremely hot!

Can you imagine what the Jackson dinner table is like?

The Parents: So kids, what's new with you this year?
MJ: Well, I'm on trial for molesting little boys...
JJ: My boob popped out in front of millions of Americans.
MJ: Shit, I gotta go. I'm late for a basketball game.
The Parents: Are you going to watch the Spurs play the Pistons?
MJ: Nope, Lakeview Elementary is playing Abbot Elementary today, and I got front row seats. Shit, I've said too much..