Breakin Ankles

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

People you meet a dance club

If you ever go to a dance club, or a bar with a dance floor, you will inevitably run into a fair number of characters. Here's a rundown:

The Dancer:
The dancer is the girl that goes out to a club to dance, and only dance. She's not interested in hooking up, and the odds are that she has a serious boy friend chilling at home. The dancer usually goes out with a group of female friends. They usually dance together in a circle, forming a protective barrier from unwelcome advances from sleezy men.

The Male Dancer:
This is the male version of the above. This dude goes to a club to get his dance on, but if you watch closely, he's not interested in dancing with any ladies, he's more concerned with trying out his new moves. Techno music will usually get this guy going, and he can often be seen dancing as if he were alone in his room. For some reason, these types of dudes tend to be Asian or white dudes from the burbs. Usually, these guys can be seen popping, c-walkin, break dancing, or doing all sorts of cool interesting moves. For these guys, it truly is all about the music.

The Tease & The Chump:
I put these 2 together because they go hand in hand. Common scenerio: The tease (a female) will be bumpin and grinding with a guy (the chump). The dancing gets pretty hot and heavy and the guy thinks he'll be gettin some play -- after all, this chick is all over him. Many times, the tease and the chump may even start making out on the dance floor, or by the bar perhaps. This only reinforces, in the chumps mind, that he'll be gettin some poontang later on. But then, suddenly, the girl say something like "I'm going to go find my friends now". To the girl, the encounter was just some random fun -- a little dancing, a smooch, but nothing more. The chump, however, is so caught up in getting some play, that he'll spend the entire night looking for that same girl in the hopes that he'll get some hanky panky action. The Chump can very quickly turn into a sleeze.

The Sleeze:
The Sleeze is like a scavenger, stomping around the club in search of a drunk girl to dance with and take home. The sleeze is often drunk and cannot be reasoned with. Telling him to go away will do nothing, and a bouncer may sometimes be necessary to get a sleeze away from a group of girls.

Don Juan:
Don Juan is the dude in the club with a hairy ass chest and a button up shirt that, ironically, isn't quite fully buttoned. If you see this guy, make sure to have some bird food handy as the birds living in his chest hair will greatly appreciate it.

The regular guy:
The regular guy will go to a dance club but won't really shake his thang on the dance floor. He may be shy, nervous, or maybe he just isn't into dancing that much. Either way, his friends will constantly beg him to get on the dance floor and bust a move. Usually, their pleas fall on deaf ears -- but fill up the regular guy with some booze and a packed dance floor, and you may be lucky enough to see some bad dance moves! The plus to being a regular guy is that when you finally get the courage to get out and dance, people will rejoice and celebrate as if you're a cripple who miraculously just learned to walk.

The Fat Trashy Girl:
This girl is usually straight trailer trash. She'll probably have a few tatooes on her arms and neck, including one of her 6 yr old child named 'mookie'. She goes to the club and dances like shes dancing for a doughnut. After years of observing the fat trashy girl in her natural habitat, I still can't figure out what their deal is. Maybe they just like dancing, or maybe they're looking for a baby daddy. Maybe they just are what they are, and shouldn't be labeled as fat or trashy. Too late.

The Short Muscle Man:
These are the dudes that are under 5'7 and are built like fucking tanks. They often wear super tight shirts to accentuate their muscles. These guys apparently are over-compensating for what they perceive to be their lack of height, but what they don't realize is that 215 pounds of muscle on a 5'5 frame looks ridiculous, and if anything, turns women off. These guys are like little square blocks wandering around, and can often be seen drinking water. After all, alcohol isn't good fuel for these men who might as well be called "machines".

The Bartender:
This girl/guy can often be seen hanging out behind the bar, handing out drinks to customers for money.

The dude behind the bar who isn't allowed to serve drinks:
I guess this person is a cup cleaner, or errand boy or something?? He'll often be behind the bar washing glasses. He's not a bartender and isn't legally allowed to get anyone a drink, but drunkards will nonetheless try and get a drink from him. The dude behind the bar, who usually has a towl hanging from his belt, never says a word, but will instead raise his hands up in the air and shake his head, as if to say "Sorry bro, I just clean shit up, I can't serve you booze, sorry".

There are many more types of peeps u see at a dance club, but this is long enough as it is... so loyal readers (including you Mrs. Wiksta!), fill up the comments with ur own observations, generalizations and stereotypes.


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