Socratic Method

As Labor Day approaches, thousands of students will enter a funny high-school-esque world otherwise known as "Law School". As an incoming 1L, one of the biggest fears is being called on in class and getting grilled in front of your classmates, confidant's, and lovers. My experiences with respect to getting called are quite charmed; so without further adieu, here is a rundown of ALL of the times I got called on in class during my 3 year law school career and got fucked. Some will make you laugh, others will make you cry. Others will make you feel as if you just lost your puppy. Enjoy.

1L Year
Contracts: Here we go. Finally, a story to tell. It was during the first month of law school when this story takes place. I had contracts from 3:30-4:30 everyday. On the day in question, I hadn't done the assigned reading, and moreover, I got to school a tad late since I had to wait for the cable guy to finish setting my shit up. I get to school at 3:35 and see Gold Nugget, who I happened to sit next to for that class. I tell him that we should just skip since I didn't do the reading and didn't want to get called on. He's like "whatever dude, he won't call on you'. I say "I don't know if I want to risk it, I haven't done the reading at all so I can't even B.S my way out of it" The Gold Nugget says "Just go to class, you won't get called on, trust me".

Word to the wise: Whenever the Gold Nugget says "Trust me", don't. So anywhoo, per the Nugget's suggestion, I decide to go to class. 5 minutes in I hear the professor go "Homer....". Eeep. What the fuck do I say?! I mention that I'm not prepared to answer any questions about the assigned
case, so the Prof. goes on to someone else. Turns out it was no big deal. He asked a question, I couldn't answer it, life goes on, and my cable got hooked up. I got called on again later in the semester, and was able to answer it. Holla back.

2L Year
Con Law 2: Oddly enough, the Gold Nugget re-appears as a villain in this little story. Long story short, during a class about freedom of speech, the teacher goes into some really long hypothetical. I stop paying attention and start writing notes to the 2 peeps next to me. The hypothetical was pretty long and drawn out as I was able to write a few notes while the Prof. kept talking. Right as I was finishing up a note to Gold Nugget (something about a video game, or vids as some like to call it), she calls on me. "Homer, how would you handle a question like that?"

My brain is thinking "A hypothetical like what? Oh great, gotta think of an excuse, I don't even know what this Prof. has been talking about for the last 5 mins!" Since the hypothetical was so long, it's not like I could have asked her to repeat it. I had to bite the bullet. I tell her "Oh, I was busy reading the assignment for today's class so I didn't hear the question, sorry." How dumb is that?! It was as if I was trying to act all noble and the only reason I didn't hear the question was because I was busy reading some con law material. Heaven forbid it was because I was goofing off. Now that is rich! On to the next story.

International Law: This baby deserves a post of its own!! Read the previous post below to get the scoop.

Tax 1: I get called on and I'm not even in class to come up with an excuse. I either slept in or was hung over. Probably both. Farger.

Trusts and Estates: This class had a seating chart, but somehow I ended up sitting in a seat that wasn't mine. One day the Professor decides to call on someone. He looks at the seating chart and goes "Mr. Palal, do you think this is a will or a trust?" I go "Oh, I'm not Mr. Palal, I'm actually in the wrong seat today". The professor, being a charming fellow, goes "haha, no problem, so let me ask you anyways, is this a will or a trust?" You can't get an easier question than this in TNE. It's akin to asking someone "Is this math problem an addition or subtraction problem". But, there's a problem. I was busy chatting with the person next to me and didn't hear the question. I mention that I'm not sure and off he went to call on someone else. Str8 Pimpin.

3L Year
Taxation of Real Estate Transactions: The Rican guest stars in this story. I do the reading for class and am all ready to answer the assigned questions. There were a few, though, that I just couldn't figure out. The Prof. calls on me. Some questions I answer fine,
but then he gets to the ones I had trouble with and asks me what I think. I'm blanking, so the Rican whispers an answer to me. I tell the teacher what the Rican just whispered to me and the Prof goes "No, that's incorrect, turns out that this question doesn't really have an answer". Blast! I was tricked by a trick question! What are the odds?!

A class that shall remain nameless: In this story I wasn't so much called on as I was called out. The Gold Nugget guest star's, once more, as a villain. I think I'm starting to notice a pattern? Aywhoo, I sat next to Gold Nugget for this class and we spent a lot of time goofing off and laughing in class. Not a smart move since we sat right in front of the teacher, a few rows back.

One day, the prof. decided that she had had enough of our antics and she goes,'What's so funny back there guys? I see you 2 laughing, so if something is so funny, maybe you'd like to share it with the class??"

I say "Sorry" and think that the saga is over. Dead wrong.

She goes "No, what's on that laptop back there?" The Gold Nugget goes "Nothing, just my notes". The teacher goes "Is that right? Then what's so funny?"

Then, the Gold Nugget grew a pair of balls and goes to the teacher in a very confrontational tone "If you don't believe me, you can come back here and check". I can't convey the tone of the statement via text, but trust me, he might as well have said something like "Make your move bitch, let's see what you got". Naturally, the prof. responds with "Oh, that's okay, I believe you." Hmm... maybe we're homefree now. Wrong again!

Then the teacher starts ripping into us: "We're talking about serious stuff here, about prison, about peoples lives, and you 2 are in the back of the class everyday laughing like a bunch of idiots!!" Whoa!! This is insane. I didn't know how to react, so I just sat there with a smug grin on my face, which probably only made her more mad. She kept on going on and on about how the lawschool was looking into canceling wireless in the classrooms precisely because of people like us. Then she goes to me "Maybe if you can't control yourself from looking at your friend's computer, you should come up to the front of the class and have a seat right next to me. I mean, if you can't control yourself, then I can't control myself!!"

She goes on for a bit more then turns around and goes back to the blackboard. But the fire is burning to bright and she turns right back around and continues ".... and another thing...." THen she talks about how we're disrupting the other students etc. - which is funny in hindsight because a few people, including people that sat right next to me and the Nugget, came up and asked "What did you 2 even do?" It was def. a crazy experience. I felt like I was back in 5th grade or something. The scolding went on for at least a good FOUR minutes. No exaggeration.

I forgot to mention a funny tidbit. As the teacher was asking "WHat is on your computer?", Gold Nugget was deviously closing all the browser windows on his computer as he retorted "Nothing". Classic. Another little tidbit: Prior to getting called out, I was planning on skipping the next day of class, but after getting yelled at, I had to show up and make an appearance to show that I wasn't afraid or intimidated. HaHa. One last tidbit: During the next class, the Professor made a joke and the class started laughing. The Gold Nugget turned to me and said,"Are we allowed to laugh now?".

So there you have it my friends. A brief run down, sort of, of my experiences with the Socratic method. Don't think I'm all slacker though, as there were plenty of times where I was called on and handled my bizness, but those stories aren't too exciting.

So some unsolicited advice for all you 1L's out there: Don't sweat it. Not knowing an answer to a question is no big deal and no one will give a fuck if you say "I don't know". School is school, and law school shouldn't be any more intimidating than high school was. People get intimidated, though, because of all the hype surrounding law school and evil teachers who grill students to the max, yo. Just relax, and worst come to worst, if you don't know the answer to a question, you may have blog material to write about 3 years later :-) Good luck fargers.

P.S I always thought it was funny when someone was called on and they didn't know the answer and they go "Can I take a pass please?" hahahha 'can i take a pass?' - how formal and strange!! Peeps would be better off if they just took Chris Rock's advice and said "Sheeeiit, I don't know that shit... I'm keeping it reeeeall!!". Keeping it real indeed.