Breakin Ankles

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Homer Gets Punked

Homer Gets Punked: A novella of sorts...

It all went down last winter. Gold Nugget was crashing at my place one night. I was on my computer while the nugget was sitting on my couch behind me, presumably typing away at some assignment that was due the next day. An IM pops up.

It says "Hello Homer, this is Nugget's wife, is he there now?" Sometimes G. Nugget's wife would sign on under his name, so I thought nothing of it.

I responded "Yes, he's right here".

Wife: "Can you please tell him to come to the computer, I have to tell him something."

I tell Nugget, "your wife is on the computer, she wants you for something." He responds: "Hold on one second, I'm just finishing up this assignment"

I send the Nuggets wife an instant message: "He said he'll come in a second, he's just finishing something up"

Then shit gets hectic..

I get a message from her saying: "Homer, you know me right?" I respond "Yes". She goes "And I know you, and I like you a lot, and I want to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest with me". I'm sorta confused but say "shoot".

She then asks "Homer, does Nugget really crash at your place sometimes? Sometimes he doesn't call and I think he may be staying somewhere else". I respond "No no, he stays here". She goes, "Are you being honest with me Homer, I really want to trust you, I know you're a nice guy".

At this point I go to Nugget "Dude, just come over here, its getting really awkward. Your wife is asking if you crash here. I told her yes, but she doesn't seem to believe me." He responds "Oh jeez, tell her one second! I'm almost done here... Well fine, just have her call me then."

So I tell Nuggets "wife" on the computer -- "He says to call him". She says "Okay". 2 minutes later she goes "What is going on, he didn't pick up, are you sure he's there?" I relay the info to nugget, who is still seemingly engrossed in his homework and he goes "Dude, what do you want me to do, she said she'd call but my phone didn't ring, tell her to hold on. I mean you didn't hear my phone ring either, right?!".

I tell Nuggets wife: "He says to hold on.." She replies, "I just called, he didn't pick up.. please stop covering for him, or if he's there, please put him on the chat line so I can talk to him."

At this point I feel like I'm in the most awkward of situations. Nuggets wife thinks he may be cheating on her, and wants the scoop from me. But there is no scoop, Nuggets just being a bitch sitting on my couch, lost in stupid law school homework.

I say "Nugget, this is getting pretty awkward, just come and chat with your wife, she thinks you might be cheating on her!"

He says "Stop B.S'ing, I'm almost done anyhow"

Meanwhile, the Im's from Nuggets "wife" keep getting more and more awkward. She's getting sad and emotional and hurt, and I don't know what to say to make her feel better, or alleviate her concerns. I start getting nervous that there is some deep seated husband/wife friction going on, and I'm stuck in the middle of it!

After 2 more minutes of me pleading with Nugget to stop being a nerd, I get this IM from his wife:

"Homer, it seems that G. Nugget isn't there, and I appreciate that you are trying to cover for him, but I want the truth, no matter how bad it hurts... But can I tell you one more thing before I sign off?"

Homer: "Sure, but I swear he's right here! what do you want to tell me?"

Nugget's Wife: "Look behind you BITCH!!!!"

I turn around and see Nugget laughing his ass off like no other. "Dude, you were freaking out!!! hahahahhahahah" He was crackin up forever. Turns out it was Nugget on the computer the whole time!

I told him "You fucker!" but I couldn't help but laugh as well. I had been punked. Badly. G. Nugget, King of the Pranks, had struck again.

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